Living Intentionally: A Counselor's Experience

What a difference one day can make 365 times in a row. At the end of last year, I was at my heaviest weight and I knew I was in dangerous physical territory as I couldn't tie my shoes without getting out of breath and I was snoring my wife out of bed. Last year, I made a New Year's Intention to live a healthier lifestyle simply one day, one meal, and one workout at a time. I have been down this road many times when it comes to my weight, but I knew I needed to do things differently than I have ever done before. I battled myself about posting the pictures at the end of this blog as I carry a lot of negativity about the way I look, but part of my journey this year has been about being honest and growing more comfortable in my own skin.

Let me explain the New Year's Intention piece as this is a practice I started in 2018 as resolutions seem to be temporary and reactive. Two years ago, I was bound and determined to establish a new relationship between myself and my anxiety. I have battled both depression and anxiety through the years, but more significantly on the anxiety side of the equation. Fortunately, for the last 10 years, I have been a regular participant in therapy and over the last 4 years I have been in Spiritual Direction. I decided that the focus of my therapeutic and spiritual work in 2018 would be on understanding my anxiety and living with it in a new way. I learned that anxiety is something that becomes more manageable when you bring it closer to you instead of wishing it away. It's like when you are driving in rain or snow and you go into a skid, you actually turn into the skid rather than away from it to get traction. It took me a long time to get comfortable with that practice of "befriending" my anxiety, but it has been life changing and something I try to bring into my work as a counselor.

At the end of 2018, I knew the time had come for me to tackle my next year's intention to address my weight issues and the source of my knowing came from a very unsuspecting place/experience. During the second week of December 2018, I participated in a weekend-long Silent Retreat led by my Spiritual Director. I was terrified about being silent for 3 days and not being allowed to bring anything to disctract myself (even reading books was a no-no along with no phone). What would I do with all the time? How would I spend my time especially being in silence? What would it be like to be with other people in silence? Eat meals in silence? Surprisingly, I didn't die and actually my 5 senses came to life in an amazing way. It's incredible what I did discover without the use of my intellectual mind. The most important thing that I experienced was that I could be comfortable and at peace in my own body. For someone who has heard both inner and outer voices telling him how bad he looks for being too big, fat or obese, this was a substantial shift in perspective. I was now ready to launch out in a new direction heading into 2019.

Knowing my track record when it comes to self-reliance and accountability, I determined that I wouldn't do this by myself. Orange Theory was the perfect fit for me as it is a fitness community designed for promoting good overall physical health. I loved that no one is in competition with one another, but rather everyone is simply trying to do their best by focusing on their own performance and outcomes. Every class is different as you never do the same routine from one day to the next. Orange Theory also focuses on all of your muscle groups switching templates around endurance, strength and power or all 3 at once. The coaches are great motivators and instructors who show you how to exercise without injuring yourself. This past year, I did not incur one injury over the course of 200 workouts which is amazing given my age and the type of physical activities you do complete.

So here I was, well on my way, I dropped 10 pounds in 2 weeks and then, boom, I hit a brick wall. Why? Basically, because I was still in charge of my nutritional plan which said if you are burning 800 calories at Orange Theory then you are entitled to double portions and extra Mountain Dew. I knew right then and there that it was time for me to surrender. Surrender to the solution of healthier eating habits. I was referred to Jamie Free with Two-Seven Health and Wellness. From this point forward, things changed for me in a big way. I still get a smile on my face when I think about my first meeting with Jamie. He asked me about my eating habits and if there were any food groups that I couldn't eat because of an allergy. I thought about mentioning veggies as an allergy, but I had made the personal commitment to keep an open mind to this entire process. Then the big question came as Jamie asked me if there was one thing he took away from my diet what would be that one thing I would still consume regardless of his direction. In my mind, I debated between pasta and Mountain Dew because the force runs strong between both of those for me, but I spoke aloud the words of my precious Mountain Dew. At that very moment, Jamie's head careened into his desk and I thought he was ready to fire me before I even began. Fortunately, Jamie came back to life and said "let me think about this and I'll get back to you." While probably consulting the nutrional gods about Mountain Dew, Jamie crafted a simple, yet robust, nutritional plan that told me what to eat, when to eat and how to eat. It was all on a spreadsheet which even included substitutions and options if necessary to create variety. I learned about proteins, fast acting carbs, slow burning carbs, fibrous carbs and good fats. If I went out to eat then I would text Jamie and he would tell me what to order off of the menu. It was great to have his support all along the way. I even learned to stop getting so hung up on my physical weight and consider the importance of the percentage of body fat lost and my metabolic rate. Never did I starve and the meal portions were very generous and I even had food added as I lost weight and gained muscle mass from my workouts at Orange Theory. In 11 months with Jamie, I have lost 65 pounds and a little over 13% of my body fat (or what I lovingly refer to as my baby fat) .

But, wait, what about the Mountain Dew? Three days after that initial consultation with Jamie, he called me back with "exciting" news. I could have a Mountain Dew every day*** Asteriks meaning one 12 ounce Mountain Dew with 4 days of Diet Dew and 3 days of regular Dew. I told Jamie he might be able to start a nutritional revolution by promoting a weight loss plan that still included Mountain Dew. I don't think he shared my enthusiasm and excitement. Funny thing is that my Mountain Dew intake did decrease as I started eating healthier. My body started to tell me about how the sugar and caffeine affected my innards (that's an old school Mountain Dew reference as the original Dew slogan was It'll Tickle Your Innards).

So as a result of these changes how is my life different today? About halfway through the year, I went for my Annual Physical and the physical changes were significant in relation to my labwork. Given the results, I was able to come off of my blood pressure medication and my cholesterol levels normalized (after being recommended for medication at my last visit). I was no longer pre-diabetic and I no longer had back and neck pain. Overall, my energy level has been dramatically different in a positive way and my sleep is much improved even to the point that I don't snore my wife out of the bed anymore. I have not been sick one day in this entire year when usually I'm out for 5 to 10 days with some type of illness. One of the craziest unexpected changes was that my eyesight improved enough to warrant a new contact lens and glasses prescription. Since I started wearing glasses, my eyesight has never improved as it has only gotten worse so for it to get better this year is astounding. The things that I can now accomplish physically are amazing as well - running a half-marathon, a 5K and running under a 9 minute mile. At the beginning of this year, I couldn't do any of those things - during my first class at Orange Theory, I could barely walk, row or even get in a plank position. Now, I am running on the treadmill, rowing with power and endurance, and I can even hold a plank for an extended period of time. Psychologically and spiritually, I feel great and I am so grateful for the opportunity and the gift to have my overall health and well-being as I know that is not a given in this life.

As I look back on this past year, there's a part of me that is in awe of what I was able to accomplish, but really it all came down to showing up just one day, one meal and one workout at a time. That's my plan moving forward as I'm simply excited to continue the journey and the destination will take care of itself from there.

December 2018 vs. December 2019