Give Yourself Permission to Feel These 6 Things This 2020 Holiday
My traditions are going to look a little different this year, and so are many of my client's. So much of what we've talked about in the therapy room has been about giving ourselves permission to feel what we need to feel.
“My traditions are going to look a little different this year…”
That nagging sadness you feel, or that constant irritability? Let's call it by it's true name..."grief." It's true, change naturally brings grief, and we've had a ton of change in 2020.
But it's also true that limitations bring new and creative solutions! Instead of doing the same-old same-old, we've been forced to change things up and see what really matters.
Though there are a lot of things you can feel, here are six of those things you may need to start giving yourself permission to feel this holiday season:
This Holiday Season, it's ok to...
1. Miss annual holiday parties.
I'm trying a virtual Secret Santa with my friends this year, but I honestly was so sad when the company Christmas party was canceled. It's the one time I get to see all my colleagues in one place! I'm thankful we've canceled due to the current spikes we're seeing in COVID-19 cases; But, I'm also allowed to be disappointed - and angry - at what it seems like is being "robbed" from me this year.
What do you feel like you're missing out on this year? Give yourself permission to be sad about that.
2. Be grateful you said "no" to traveling.
I thought my only free pass from our 15+ family Christmas gathering was when I had my first child! Now it gets to be "just us" this year.
Are there any unexpected things you're grateful for with some of the new limitations you may feel this season?
Anyone with me on this?
3. Be sad if you don't take your kids to see Santa this year.
And to also be totally confident in your parenting choices if you did! We're all doing what we need to do to help our families feel safe.
If you didn't, what kinds of activities did you do with your kids instead? If you did, what was different about it? Regardless, what did you enjoy most as a family?
4. Grieve compromises to family traditions.
This year one of our counselors told me how she sat down with her partner and discussed what they did, and didn't, feel safe with this Christmas. One compromise they did was getting together with extended family, but wearing masks the whole night. They aren't happy about it, but it's what made them feel most comfortable.
Did you have to have this talk and find compromises this year?
5. Celebrate NEW family traditions.
We may not have gone to see the lights at Opry this year, but we rekindled a good old fashioned "from-scratch" sugar cookie making, a gingerbread house decorating contest, and decided to do a new Advent tradition we have never done before as a family. 2020 has forced us to think of new ways to celebrate the things that are important to our family this year!
What new traditions did you add?
6. Feel safe by setting boundaries.
It was SO difficult to do, but I decided to ask our families members to get tested for COVID-19 before Thanksgiving. We all felt SUPER safe all week. We're thinking of doing it again for Christmas, but are still really talking about what we need for us and our family.
What kinds of boundaries are you considering this holiday season?
So have at it. Be sad. Be grateful. Miss the way things used to be. Celebrate the new things. Feel safe, and grieve what you need to. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, and then act in a way that matches your values and helps you feel like you're living with both intentionality, and integrity, this holiday.